I was about to give my first demo class last Wednesday, I felt ready and trying to be more confident, tried to memorize my little script, everything was ready, my favorite training buddies were there.. Though I am not really sure of what i was about to do, i am really excited because at last I can try giving my first one. I should have done it a week ago but it has been rescheduled for a couple of times. I was becoming impatient at the time so when they told me, "oh you can do it now", I said yes at once. I've really been looking forward to it because for me it would help me decide whether I should go on or give up. The trainer called (we're doing it online, on Skype) i picked up, i heard every one but they can't hear a thing from my end. They waited patiently while i try to fix my audio settings. My efforts were useless, I wasn't able to fix it. Though they were very understanding, 'cause they said I can do it some other time, I am feeling really bad, I started crying. I don't know why really.. I cried 'till I fall asleep..
Ever since, I am always having second thoughts, always scared and nervous. Now I am asking myself, Is it a sign or just a coincidence? I never had problem with audio before..maybe i am being so ambitious, and maybe i am hallucinating..maybe it's meant to wake me up from my delusions..but then.. masama bang mangarap? People can't blame me for trying!
After some serious thinking, i came to a realization.. It really depends on how i want to take and see things.. I am trying to look at things positively now. Maybe it's not really a sign that I should give up.. I am trying to think of it as God's way to test my strength and perseverance. I want to believe that if I work hard enough, I will be rewarded in the end.
